4 Jan 2016

Project Me - Continued


This time last year, I wrote Project Me, which wasn’t so much a list of New Year’s resolutions, but a more general account of the status quo and my goals and aspirations for 2015 and beyond. It seems fitting then, 12 months on, to take stock once more and to set out my hopes and objectives for the year ahead.

Last year’s target was very much about getting fit, shedding some pounds and regaining my physical sense of self after my pregnancy with Alex. Looking back, the results are a bit of a mixed bag - whilst I haven’t lost the weight that I wanted, thanks to my crappy metabolism, and haven’t taken up running (when it came down to it, I just couldn’t bring myself to venture out onto the streets and possibly humiliate myself as the world’s worst and most ridiculous runner), I did start and implement a consistent fitness regime, mainly in the form of Jillian Michaels’ various fitness DVDs, which are based on high intensity interval training, which I have – in the majority – stuck to. Anyone who knows Michaels knows that this isn’t an easy option, and even though I may not be any thinner, I’m definitely less wobbly than I would be without having done this. But it’s fair to say that this is an ongoing project, which I will carry on this year, too, and even try to step it up a notch or two. I’ve also continued to pay attention to my nutrition and healthy, balanced eating, while also allowing myself some “off-days”, and this, too, is something that I will continue with throughout 2016.

The focus of my objectives, however, is slightly shifting. Going forward, I want to put as much emphasis on the physical side of me as on my general well-being. Starting with small things like drinking more water instead of gallons of coffee - yes, that old chestnut! I love my coffee, and my Nespresso machine is easily the best household item I own, so I’m not saying that I will cut out coffee completely. But lately my caffeine intake has been getting out of hand, driven by sleepless nights, exhaustion and general stress. There were days where it would get to dinner time and I would realise that I hadn’t had a drop of water all day, just coffee after coffee. This has got to change, because as much as I'm partial to a nice cappuccino, I don’t think it has actually helped my stress or anxiety levels, but possibly even intensified them as I’ve been somewhat artificially keeping myself going with caffeine instead of just getting some rest. I’ve also been wanting to start juicing for ages now, and I had put a juicer on my Christmas wishlist, which was kindly granted by my lovely mother-in-law, so I am now the proud owner of a great juicer, which will hopefully help me get off the caffeine and fuel myself with better, healthier stuff instead (separate post to come on how I get on with juicing).

Most importantly, I want to be good to myself. This sounds very simple, but it’s one of the things I struggle with most. I’m my own worst critic and my own worst enemy, but it’s time to stop this and start being kind to myself.

Lots of people frequently tell me that I am too hard on myself, and it’s true. Whether it’s how I score as a Mum or how I fare at my job or how I measure up generally, I demand a lot of myself at all times and my standards are very high. I read somewhere recently that if we saw ourselves through the eyes of our kids, we would be so much more forgiving. There's some truth in this, too – my kids love and adore me for who I am, nothing more, nothing less, and no judgment, so I need to take a leaf out of their book.

I want to take more me-time and do the things that I enjoy, if it’s squeezing in that half an hour bath, even at 10pm at night, or hiding away with a book for a bit, all things that I do far too little of. Essentially, I guess I want to do more of the things that make me happy and worry less. I'm a prized over-thinker and worrier, and I can worry about anything and everything and then some. But I’ve realised that no amount of worrying ever changes the outcome of what I worry about. It’s absolutely pointless. And I know that. Sometimes I worry about something, and it turns out a lot less dramatic than anticipated. Equally, sometimes I worry about something, and things turn out a lot worse than I could have ever foreseen by worrying. At the end of the day, I still have to deal with life as it comes and what it throws at me, and worrying is completely counter-productive and useless, so I will try to stop wasting precious time and energy trying to pre-empt things I can’t change anyway – life’s just too short, as they rightly say. As with the physical challenge, this will also be an ongoing project and something I will have to work hard on myself to achieve. But I’m determined to give it a good go.

So, going forward, 2016 and beyond will be all about focusing on being happy, hopefully healthy and finding some inner calm - and realising that I’m doing the best I can, and that maybe, just maybe, that's good enough.

* Linking up with #ShareWithMe
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1 comment

  1. I love the idea of project me. That's sort of what I am working on this year. Getting organized and clearing my mind and my house out and my schedule to live a simplify life this year as last year was chaos for us. Wish you the best for the new year. #sharewithme

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