17 Oct 2016

12 Signs You're the mother of a toddler

Alex is now two years and almost three months, and therefore bang in the midst of toddlerhood. And boy, don’t I know it! Apart from being irresistibly cute, he is also inquisitive, boisterous, opinionated, strong-willed and very very naughty! He is absolutely hilarious and I love him to bits, but it can’t be denied that he is definitely a handful – just as you’d expect from a toddler who discovers the world and its (and his) boundaries. So I’ve compiled a list of all the things my little Alex does that leave me in no doubt that I am the mother of a bona fide toddler:

1. You get excited when you see an ambulance, police car, tractor or helicopter, and even when your toddler is not with you, you still go “nee-naw” enthusiastically – even if it’s just in your head!

2. The word “no” becomes your verbal adversary. Whatever you ask your toddler to do will be met with a resolute “no”, and equally, if you tell your toddler “no, don’t do that” it’s guaranteed to be ignored and he does it anyway. Just. To. Push. The. Boundaries!! While smiling sweetly at you!

3. UN peace negotiations have nothing on trying to be rational with a toddler! He wants a piece of toast. He gets a piece of toast. Only that now he wants it in triangles rather than squares and refuses to so much as look at the plate. Back to the drawing board aka kitchen and start again. *Sigh*

4. You can’t stop putting a “y” on everything, even in adult conversation. “Shall we have a drinky?”, “I don’t know where your sockies are!” and “Which cary are we taking?” are normal dialogues between hubby and I …

5. You thank heavens for Peppa Pig, Makka Pakka and Mr Tumble, even though they also kind of freak you out.

6. There are raisins in every nook and cranny of your house, car, pram … the bloody things get everywhere!

7. Equally, every corner of the house is covered in finger prints and mucky patches – TVs & iPads, walls, wardrobes, kitchen appliances, the lot - as if your toddler is marking his territory. Cleaning is futile – within minutes, the same spots will appear and everything will be covered in gungy banana or chocolate fingerprints over and over again.

8. You can’t remember the last time you went to the toilet on your own!

9. You become super efficient at interpreting your toddler’s own little language, even if no one else understands what on earth is going on: “Wa-wahs, da!” Yes, Alex, flowers, there, that’s right! “ – “Tscho-kee, Mummy, Mi-a Tum-uh pweas” Mummy, I want a chocolate and watch Mr Tumble, please – and so on.

10. You no longer visit friends (especially those without children), for fear of your toddler trashing their house within minutes of arrival. Furthermore, it’s bound not to be childproof and he’ll be grabbing kitchen knives and nibbling on the cat litter within seconds! Just not worth the stress levels – mine and the hosts!

11. Equally, your own house looks perpetually like it’s been burgled – even when you could swear you’ve only just tidied…

12. You’ve learned the hard way that when it’s silent, that’s when you need to start panicking. Because that’s when your toddler’s decided to smear your favourite Chanel lipstick all over the wall, empty the Sudocream jar all over himself, the couch, the throw, the rug… or appreciate Daddy’s collection of LPs by smashing them one by one (all happened to us!).

So there we are, my list of everyday life with a toddler. They are hard work and drive you nuts sometimes, but they are also the most loving little humans ever, and their cuddles and kisses more than make up for the chaos they cause. So I’m soaking up every minute while I can and take the rough with the smooth. Because I know I will miss the mayhem when it’s all over and my toddler is all grown up.

What are your key signs of toddlerhood? Let me know anything I’ve missed out.

* Linking up with #TheList



  1. This list had me cracking up because it's SO TRUE!!! Mine youngest is almost 2 and we're already full-on into the 'look, there's a train!' and hearing him say 'no' to everything and my fave...never getting to go to the bathroom by myself. Thanks for sharing this - looks like we're all in this together! lol

  2. Ha ha, these are all so true, especially the last one. Even my 7yr old says 'oh no, it's gone quite, she must be up to something' and goes to check on the latest devastation his 2yr old sister is wreaking x


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